It’s turning out to be one of those weeks…
There are forces in my life that tell me I’m constantly not good enough. That I need to change parts of me to fit whatever idealized version they have for my life. Sometimes it’s a physical change, sometimes it’s something else about my life they hate so, of course, I must change it, even if it makes me unhappy (note the sarcasm).
Would it surprise you to know that many people in my life don’t know that I’m an author? They don’t. When you’re surrounded by people who delight in bringing you down, you find ways to bring yourself up. I’ve mentioned before that I was afraid to write for the longest time, that the thought of putting all of these wonderful words inside me on a page was absolutely terrifying. I’ll talk more about that in a future post, but there’s one thing I realized about fear.
The fear others gave me of my own life, was the same as the fear of writing. I wasn’t just afraid to write, I was afraid to live and enjoy life. When I realized that, it was like a switch turned on inside me.
I COULD write. I COULD do the things I love, and live a good, decent life, even if it wasn’t the life they envisioned for me.
That’s when everything in my life started changing.
I started writing, and I didn’t tell anyone for the longest time what I was doing. Today, only a handful of people in my life know, the handful I trust that and that don’t define my life on their terms.
Others will always try to define success for your life. They will always see you as worthy if you do one thing, but unworthy if you do another. Don’t let other people define what success means to you.
If that means they hate me…well…it doesn’t seem like they really loved me in the first place, does it? They didn’t love ME. They loved who they wanted me to be.
But after decades on this earth trying to be what others want, of trying to live life on their terms, I’m now living it on my own. I’m working hard to make MY dreams come true, and celebrating my successes, even if I’m celebrating them with just a merry few.
“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” – Kurt Cobain
P.S. – You may have heard about about the suicide of fashion icon Kate Spade. Suicide is a topic that hits close to home for me, and I wanted to take a moment to remind everyone that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. No matter how lonely or alone you think you are in this world, there is always a hand waiting to help you. For help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources.
This is Post 66 of 100 as part of the #100DaysofMKAuthorLife.
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